15. Police

It's 01:30, and the upcoming lights of Leipzig make a welcome change from the darkness that has accompanied me for so many miles. I've cycled 4 hours through the night and my eyelids have become as heavy as my legs, while my bike now makes odd swerves into the road from time to time. I feel it would be dangerous to continue, so I sit on a bench and eat cookies and drink milk for a while. This is when I find out that the cookies have berries in them and it seems I have been unfairly rewarded for my day's hard work.

I am practically asleep as I lay on the bench with crumbs off half eaten biscuits falling down my face and an impressive milk moustache. A nearby patch of grass beckons me over and I pass out in about three seconds by the side of the motorway into Leipzig.

Two police officers wake me up. They say they've had reports from people who were worried about me. I'd had some dreams earlier about people trying to wake me up and me just shouting fuck off at them. I realise that those probably weren't dreams. The police can speak English and we have a conversation where I manage to explain to them that I am not drunk, but just tired, and had to sleep here as cycling further would've been dangerous. One of them tells me that everything is ok, that sleeping in the open is not forbidden, he just says that they had to check as in Germany this situation is not normal. Silly twit, what does he mean in Germany? As if he imagines that in England our suburban motorways are littered with chained-up bicycles protected at their base by weary owners curled up in schlaffensaccens. He walks away very smugly, probably feeling immensely proud of the differences between our countries.

Two police wake me up again at 8. It's two women this time and they speak no English. I pretend my German is worse than it is and finish all my sentences in English, though the bits in English are usually me just asking the fat one how many cakes she ate today. I talk about being very tired in German, then in English tell her she has more rolls than a bakery. She looks very confused, while I am sniggering to myself quite a lot, which in turn elevates her confusion. I feel very mature. She tells me that I need to go and they get back in their car and drive off. I watch them off round the corner, then go back to sleep next to my bike in the gorgeous German sun, feeling very smug.

Police 1 - Sam 1